It was just some weeks ago, it was all over the news, "A woman had taken her life along with her 2 kids life. The Ifs, the buts, the maybe's, the torture, the name calling, the rebuke and critism she recieved for doing it would have caused her to commit suicide all over again if she was around to hear them.
It is written and i do believe that no one has the right to commit suicide or murder, but who are we to judge?

I listened the news, and for three consecutive days the murder suicide was repeatedly broadcast over the air and on the television. Suddenly blogs and clips of what to do if approached by a suicidal" was discussed and posted here and there and everywhere.

For a while i was disgusted by the attitude of those who thought that she was wicked and heartless. For me, the act was cruel, i know not if the person was.
I was angry, angry at them for saying all manner of evil about a woman many knew nothing about, a woman who was not i'll sick or crazy, she was in her right mind. A woman who was dead because of what we don't know.

Every too often we try to talk things out when it is already too late.
While watching the news a relative of the decease said, " i heard her say she would do it but i never thought she would". and I thought to myself, Why did anyone not sit her down and talk it over with her?. Why did anyone not see it fit to question her statement? Why did anyone not offer comfort and assurance?. Why did anyone not cushion her grief?
She must have been trying to get someone's attention when she made that statement, where were those critiques who now critisize her?

She was cruel to take her kids life, many say, but i bet in her eyes she was doing them justice; saving them from the torture of living with the fact that their mother committed suicide leaving them behind, saving them from being motherless in this messed up world, saving them from being tossed here and there in society in her absence, saving her family the grief of seeing her through her kid's eyes or constantly reminding them of how she left this world, she was cruel you may say, but while carrying out her evil deed she thought about others.
It is sad, very sad, i regret it ever happened, i was sorry for the family, i am sad for the dad who wept openly. I wish i could let him stop or understand.
I felt his grief, but i felt the deceased grief even more, I wish she had not done it, i wish she had help, without knowing her, i understood her grief
I know what it is like to be so depressed to the core, I know how it feels to cry nights upon nights when others are fast asleep, then there comes the pain, a pain that is worse than a toothache, it feels like the vessels within your head is going burst, and if you're not strong enough you'll want to relief yourself of the pain, sometimes the pressure inside the head build up so much that i have to squeeze my head between my knees and beg and pray for relief. I know what it feels like to be betrayed, to feel worthless, and after all is done and i get back on my feet brush myself off and try again, then there comes another blow and i feel cursed, down and almost out as if nothing good will ever happen for me or i am just unlucky or i am nothing. i know how it feels to want to try no more because everything i've tried has failed, even the thought of being out of a job for the longest time, no one calling u for interview, being unable to pay bills, always depending on others for everything even the basic neccesities, being unproductive and feeling useless
I know how a lot more feels..... and unfortunately i know what it feels like to want to commit suicide, yet only one person knows, i always try to look my best on the outside even when i am dying on the inside, i love to see others smile, and even in my deepest darkest moments i try to stay alive for others and my child.
IThank be to the Almighty God I am here, I am alive... therefore i am winning the battle with suicide, the fact that i have not committed suicide says that i may be down but i am not out, the fact that i am alive gives me hope.
I have a beautiful baby girl, and her dad is the best support, i have family and friends who cares and i would not want to hurt them.
Still many person are not strong enough to win the battle with suicide, many person have no one to talk with or to ease their pain, many person yearn for a relief, but did not get any and their only solution was to ease themselves of the pian by putting their life to rest.
I am not here to justify suicide, i am just another person who feels that way at times... But thanks be to God i'm alive. One day i'll get my breakthrough.

If you should ever think about suicide, talk about it, let someone know your thoughts, it will help, it does help... in the mean time, try and talk yourself out of it, count your blessings, because when you think you have it bad, a lot more persons has worse. You may want to give this a try, I am not a christian but, i'd advice anyone to just take a walk and sit in the church, listen and pray. it works, sense of peace and comfort will overshadow you, you'll love it.
Life is a gift.... you don't know whats inside, so you unwrap it with curiousity.
Always try to accept whatevr it brings, enjoy and move on, it might not be easy but you can do it if you really want, the fact that life is a gift... means you did not have to get it, and since you got it you need to at least appreciate it.